The Motherlode

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~Jewish Proverb

Mother’s Day is a nice holiday, but it isn’t quite one of those cushy weekday government holidays when folks get to sleep late, the banks are closed, and there’s no mail delivery. Still, the second Sunday in May is put aside for everyone to honor poor old Mom.

As a kid, I never could figure out why there wasn’t a Daughter’s Day or maybe a Twin’s Day or something so that I could get flowers, candy, cash, and maybe that cool new ping pong table we saw at Big 5 – so I could kick brother older bro Jeff’s butt at something

Sure, I figured my momma was deserving of a special day, I mean, she worked long hours and still managed to cook supper for the five of us most nights, No accident her nickname was “LS”, Lazy Squaw. Money was tight and she made sure we had nice clean clothes to wear – albeit she made us iron our clothes and wear half-slips under our skirts to temple.

All through history, people set aside a day to honor mothers. Natives danced in their birthday suits around trees, the early English had a Mothering Sunday and gave Dear Mom a ‘Mothering Cake,’ and here in the U.S. after constant nagging from suffragists and moms everywhere, President Woodrow Wilson made Mother’s Day a national observance every year.

Moms have always nurtured, sacrificed, and baked cakes for their offspring. Just take a look at Jesus’ mom Mary — she’s so famous that if your buttermilk biscuit looked like her, you could sell it on eBay and earn a small fortune.

With all the motherly rearing comes motherly advice. I always wondered if Mary got frustrated with Jesus and said, “Shut that door, were you born in a barn?” Or if the founder of the Home Depot store’s mom told him, “Move out of the way, you make a better door than a window!”

I can’t count the times “LS” told me:

• “Don’t make that face/cross your eyes or it’ll freeze like that!”

• “What do you think — money grows on trees?”

• “Did we get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”

• “Finish up the old before you start the new!” That included bread that had been in the bread drawer 3 weeks.

• “Don’t make me come back there!”

• “How many times do I have to tell you – NO!”

• “If all your friends jumped in a lake, would you jump too?”

• “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

• “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

There were several suggestions she had regarding food:

• “We have two choices on tonight’s menu: take it or leave it.”

• “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.”

• “You know what the best diet is??? Push yourself away from the table.”

• “You ate all that? You must have a hollow leg!”

And you know she had something to say about hygiene:

• “Don’t put that in your mouth – there’s no tellin’ where it’s been!”

• “Always wear clean underwear, ya never know when you’ll be in an accident.”
Not to mention, she taught me logic like ” If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
L.S. also taught me medicine - like, “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.” and of course
she taught me to meet a challenge- “Where’s your brother and don’t talk with food in your mouth. Answer me!”

Yes, moms are special and they really deserve a day to be honored, Consider yourself lucky if you have two parents or even just one. As daddy used to say, “if you didnt have a father/mother, we’d have to go out and buy you one”. Parental units aren’t perfect, but chances are, no one will ever love you the same way.

Especially if you act the way you did.